the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
