just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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