sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
