I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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