i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
