I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
