i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
