Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
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