is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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