Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
