i jhust puked up my retainher.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize