There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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