i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
