I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
