It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
