it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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