There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So apparently I’m into choking now
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
