After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
