Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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