I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
