Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
