The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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