we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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