She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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