Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
