If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
