I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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