My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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