just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
