i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
