Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
