The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
