life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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