This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
