if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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