'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
