the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
