I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I should be sponsored by Trojan
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
