Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
