I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize