Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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