so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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