True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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