So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
