Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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