Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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