just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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