A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
