You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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