Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
