I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
