Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
