Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
