Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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