Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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