he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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