Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
