i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
