I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
