On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
