Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
