someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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