Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
