How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You've changed since you got that strap on
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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