he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So many bounce houses so little time
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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