Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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