I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
