Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
