Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
