Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
